One scholar was heading to his urban home. “I will miss being immersed in nature. Hearing the birdsong, watching the lake, seeing eagles soaring in the sky has been a gift.”
Everyone will miss the community of scholars, their support and feedback as well as the impromptu dinners and great conversations. Many said they would miss praying with the monks, not required, but something we often did. By the last weeks of their stay, two people were participating in three of four daily prayer times. Even the Abbott noticed. We agreed that the connection with the monks and the Abbey had been an integral part of our experience.
Gathering for communal prayer at noon and Mass at five provided a structure that slowly transformed my sense of time. In part that was the result of physically stopping what I was doing to sit quietly, recite psalms, sing, and listen to a reading. The texts that filled our minds and touched our hearts have been recited and sung for thousands of years. It provided the opportunity to develop the “long view,” or as one monk called it as we sat in his fish house on the frozen lake drinking tea and sharing poetry, “the Benedictine view.”
“I will try to remember Kilian’s thought: “You don’t have to do a lot to get a lot done,” a philosophy professor said.
I knew what he meant. When I came to the Institute I brought field notebooks and colored pencils intending to sketch plants, birds, and nature around me. I brought books to read and journals to fill. I even brought my guitar, thinking perhaps I would play, something I rarely do at home. I had months to myself to write.
I am not sure when I first realized that I would probably not accomplish those things, and that I didn’t mind. Maybe it was the day I gave myself permission not to sketch two striking branches I noticed when the trees dropped their leaves.
One branch had a feminine spirit. She was a woman with head tilted upward and long arching arms encircling a piece of sky. It seemed the life juice that flowed through her and nourished summer leaves would heal any weary soul that sought comfort in her embrace.
The other was masculine, a thick branch, jutting out from an oak, almost horizontal to the ground. It was a creature with a knobby, scarred face and zig zagging horn reaching up and out toward the lake, a wise old one that had made room for round woodpecker holes along its length.
I did not have to draw them. Appreciating them was enough. I did not have to record every flower I saw or play my guitar. Not this year. Not this time. This was a year to be open to the Goodness around me so I could write. To receive Grace freely given, and to be healed and nourished by it. It has been a time to let go of “I should” and accept the grace of “I am.”
I did not do a lot, but I got a lot done. I came home with a manuscript, new friends, and the determination to find some way to retain the “Benedictine view” as I re-enter life at home.
As my little Honda Civic, packed with a years worth of “stuff” turned onto Route 94, I prayed: “Bless the monks, the Institute, the scholars. And bless the branches.”
copyright 2009 Mary van Balen-Holt
van Balen-Holt is a Lancaster resident and author.
PENANCE SERVICE
by Sharon Roche
It was a semi-annual Penance Service at church and I was looking forward to it, unlike in the past when I avoided this Sacrament and stayed away. It was only a few years ago when I came back to Reconciliation after many years absent, so these services mean very much to me.
My friend Eileen and her niece Kathy shared this night with me. Eileen and I worked together for many years before her retirement and over the years we have shared Mass together, family functions and worked raising money for the Missions. In the last five years, she has been mostly home bound but now she is able to get out more. It was great sharing this experience with my friends.
After all, it was Eileen who went with me that time I came back to Reconciliation after being away from it for many years. She was the one I would go to daily Mass with when I was in between jobs or feeling an economic crunch in the ‘80s. Eileen always put a positive spin on situations, so no matter how bad or good things were, she always knew that they would get better.
So here I was in line, contemplating my sins and I glanced over at my friends Eileen and Kathy. Tears came to my eyes as I thought about sharing this Penance Service, and a calm, peaceful bliss came over me as I just looked over and smiled.
I go to the Sacrament of Penance to retrieve the “fire” back in my faith and spiritual life. Besides the forgiveness of my sins, I go for the grace that renews my fervor, my zeal for my faith, my passion for my Church and the inspiration for my life’s projects, goals and service.
I used to approach this Sacrament “backwards” as my attitude approached it in reverse. I used to think I had to have the enthusiasm first, before I even considered going to Confession. I had to be enthused, thenI could be sorry for my sins and then I could think about receiving the Sacrament of Penance.
Now I go whether I am enthusiastic or not. I go when I only have just a “flame”, a spark, or even something as small as a “pilot light,” because I want that Paschal “fire.” I want to get fired up again and with the grace I receive from this Sacrament and with prayer, I regain that fervor that fuels the fire. In faith, the “cart” can never comes before the “horse!”
Yes, the night of the Penance Service was special and sharing it with my friends added to my spiritual mood. I left the church and went to visit Eileen, who lives nearby. We talked about the evening and I left there with understanding. She talked about this for days, and about the whole experience she said, “It was just like the old days.” And, I have to agree.
Roche is a parishoner at Columbus St. Mathias Church